I’m sorry to report that coworker is no longer with us. Once he settles in at his new job, I’ll attempt to pass the baton, but I don’t know when that may come to pass.

In the meantime, I leave you with this final parting gift: a poem by the coworker from this morning.

Showering is for peasants

I wash myself in bearer bonds

Which I burn afterwards

Because I’m so snobby